


Shovel Talk - Warrior Monk Edition

by LadyRachael



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Gen, Shovel Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRachael/pseuds/LadyRachael
Summary: The old Emperor has died, may Emperor Ling Yao  live a thousand years. He has granted Mei Chang permission to marry an outsider, removing her children from the line of succession.  When Scar visits, she asks him to stand with her family at her wedding. This is an honor and responsibility he will diligently fulfill. First step, assess potential groom for suitability and deliver mild warnings.Thanks to Tea for beta reading
Relationships: Mei Chan | May Chang & Scar, Mei Chan | May Chang/Alphonse Elric
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20
Collections: Secret Snipers Exchange 2020





	Shovel Talk - Warrior Monk Edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spirit_Phone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spirit_Phone/gifts).



Alphonse Elric is not living in sin. He isn't! He has his own little house on the edges of the newly renovated Chang compound, and Mei lived in the heir quarters, and that was how they both would stay until they were married. Sure, sometimes they would study late together and she would sleep in his house. But they only shared a pallet when it was really, really cold... Or one of them was sad. Or lonely. Or happy. It doesn't matter, because there's nothing wrong with it!

Al shook his head to try and knock out the bad thoughts. He couldn't think about how sexy Mei was when she was practicing her sword forms, or cooking, or when she threw him in a spar. She's so great. No! Scar was coming to visit, and Mei was going to ask him to stand with her family at their wedding. Al was going to be _married_ to the best woman in the world in less than a year. _'Careful about your thoughts,'_ he reminded himself, _'Scar is a monk, he can probably smell impure thoughts, like wolves smell fear_.

Someone knocked on the post next to the screened door, so Al hurried to answer it. Scar stood there, looking down on him, even though they were the same height. Al had bulked up in the years he had lived in Xing, but Scar still had him beat for muscles and the intimidation factor. Al realized he was staring as Scar's eyes seemed to weigh on his very soul from their place behind his dark glasses. Scar crossed his arms and spoke a single word, breaking the stalemate, "Well?"

This somehow conveyed, "Well, are we just going to look at each other?" and, "Well, are you going to let me in?", and "Well, do you really think you're worthy of the tiny princess I watched over while helping you take over another country ruled by monsters?" All in a single word. 

Truly, Scar made each word he said stretch far. Al blinked and folded into bow number 9, 'grown student to honored teacher'. Scar frowned less severely and returned bow number 16, 'honorary uncle to theoretically passable suitor'. 

_'At least he's taking the familial role seriously,'_ Al thought faintly, as Scar left his sandals in their proper spot. Al brought him to the table where the tea service was waiting. They both remained silent as the tea was prepared and then a single cup was drunk. 

Scar set the empty cup down without a sound. "You know why I am here. Young Mei has asked me to stand with her family at the wedding. To be part of her family is a privilege and a responsibility. But first- I have not spoken to you at length since your return to corporeal existence. How do you fare?"

Al was prematurely relieved, "It was really bad at first. Being stuck at the Gate for so long left me with a lot of sensory issues, I had to eat clear broth every three hours for months because I didn't feel hunger anymore. But we got through it, Mei was there for me so much. She's so great, but, well, you know that."

Scar's expression conveyed that he did know that, and was skeptical Al deserved to. 

Al continued, "We're still working on combining alkahestry with alchemy and it's going really well. The Imperial College has accepted a few papers we wrote individually and coauthored."

Scar nodded thoughtfully and Al refilled their cups. "How do you two feel about children? Mei said they could not inherit." Scar's gaze was weighing his soul again.

Al cocked his head to the side, "I do want kids, as many as Mei wants to have. Ideally at least two so they have each other, but I don't need a whole clan. She said something about the politics of succession with me being an outsider, not from Xing. I'm hoping the Xerxes gold eyes don't make an appearance, I don't want our kids to have to deal with that baggage." 

Scar waited until Alphonse had taken a sip of his tea to ask, "And how likely are children to arrive before the wedding? I know you do not always sleep apart." Al turned away to cough as he found himself abruptly breathing tea. It had never occurred to Al that Scar may have had hormones once, although those urges had likely been suppressed under righteous fury, anger, religious fervor, blood, and more anger.

Alphonse got himself under control before Scar had to help. 

"I'm sorry, what?" Al asked incredulously.

A glare from Scar said "I know you heard me, answer the damn question, and the answer better be something like 'none' because you should not be defiling my precious almost-niece, you horny dog." Scar's glares were very eloquent and also knew bad language. 

"Right, well, none! Or mostly none anyway, it's not like that..." Al started blabbering.

Scar pushed up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, "Shut. Up. Alphonse."

Al shut up.

Scar sighed and rubbed his forehead, "This is what will happen. After my visit concludes, I will leave. While I am here, you will keep your hands off of young Mei. When I am not here, you will continue to treat her with honor and respect. I have transgressed with many sins, and killed many people, only some of whom deserved it. If you should harm Mei, I will strongly consider breaking my penance, but I will not. I have trained for more years than you have lived and know... many things. I don't have to kill you to punish you if you break her heart. Congratulations on your engagement." 

Scar stood and walked out.

Al sat at the table with the now cold tea until darkness fell and Mei came to bring him dinner.


End file.
